On the 14th November I was invited to the launch of the 2nd issue of Working Titles: Journal for Practice Based Research published by the Bauhaus Universität, Weimar. It has been a long but fantastic experience working with Xenia and Gabriel of the Working Titles editorial board and my two fantastic peer reviewers, Luise Vormittag and Hayfaa Al-Chalabi of UA; notably, the advice on the naming of the title that came from Luise. I appreciate the generosity of all involved and thank them for dedicating their time, support and expertise, it has been invaluable.

Risky Objects Abstract:

This autoethnographic PhD research utilises personal experience of eating disorders as a lens to critique broader culture. Poor body image will affect most Western women and girls; it is part of our everyday being. Western ideals have been used to construct race, sex, and class hierarchies, and continue to influence our cultural discourse. Although ideals shift over time, the white, thin ideal has been unwavering and othering.

Like the body, the home has also become idealised. Although the home can be experienced as a place of comfort and familiarity, struggles can hide in plain sight. !rough object illustrations mimicking domestic ware, I invite the audience to sit at my childhood dinner table.

Illustration must communicate with an audience and through my object illustrations I aim to develop a methodology to engage groups of women in critical dialogue on body image. However, this topic risks causing distress, meaning a balance between sensitivity and honest testimony is needed. By illustrating open and fragmented narratives I try to create objects that engage audiences while avoiding potential retraumatisation. Each group provides feedback to inform the following round of this reflective and iterative practice. This article describes the first group engagement where I consider how emotion and affect can generate affective resonance.

The full article can be found here: Risky Objects: Illustrating Situated Body Image Experience

The journal can be found here: Issue No. 2/2023 COMPROMISED VISIONS: “Lately, she’s been seeing things differently”

Meeting the participants and their families, partners and friends at The MAC saw us finish the Stories Objects project with a bang. Aime from The Rainbow Project arranged a place with The MAC as part of their At the Table programme. The MAC says:

At The Table aims to challenge who is and isn’t invited to “the table” where decisions that determine our lives are made.

The exhibition showcases the work we have co-designed with our Associate Partners who work to combat some of society’s most pressing issues and inequalities – Alliance for Choice, Action Mental Health, The Rainbow Project, Extern and Participation and the Practice of Rights (PPR). Our ethos is to reflect current approaches towards integrating collective activity and making community empowerment more visible in the art world.

A community table will cut through the length of the gallery acting as an invitation to actively participate in the programme - whilst also providing a space for social interaction and communal dining.

Read more about the programme here: At the Table

It was lovely to get together one last time to see everyone and have everyone leave with their objects. I was kindly allowed to keep one of the participants’ objects as a memento. It was exciting to hear that The Rainbow Project are planning to auction part of the ‘oh shit’ sculpture off to raise money for Belfast’s Trans Resource Centre and to have other parts of the sculpture exhibited at other organisations that support or fight for trans people’s rights throughout the UK. Couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome.

Loved seeing a photo of Frida putting her new plate to good use…

Very excited to hear that Aime (The Rainbow Project) and Niamh (Belfast City Council) have secured an exhibition space at The MAC this coming Sunday (21st May 23). Niamh Kelly, Community Engagement Lead for Belfast City Council says:

“Storied Objects, A Conversation Café with The Rainbow Project BeU group

Come join us on Sunday 21st May, when Storied Objects will be at the table in The MAC.

Over 6 weeks, a group of trans and non-binary people were introduced to still life drawing, ceramics and decal printing. Each of them ran away with their creativity, mapping out a relationship between homely objects and the stories they tell.

The group explored in many forms – playing with clay, curating their own object scenes, collaborating in a zine and through an unexpected kiln malfunction.

The exhibition takes the form of a conversation café, where the participants will be there to celebrate and discuss their processes and their work over a cuppa at the table.”

So very proud of designing and facilitating this series, the verbal feedback from some of the participants really made the hard work worth it (and reminds me to ask Aime and Niamh for the official feedback!). But, I’m even more proud of the participants. To achieve what they have in a short space of time, most never having worked with clay before, and working with such a random brief, each and every person delivered beyond what I expected. They also dealt with a kiln malfunction in the most dignified way when I nearly had a breakdown when I opened it to find it had over-fired and melted the work! Everyone just ran with each session and it was such good fun; lots of belly laughs! Really looking forward to the group feeling some love this weekend.

I feel very proud to be a part of this exhibition thanks to ceramic artist Sam Lucas and artist Nick Grellier. It is called The Weight of Being: My Body in My Hands and the call out was circulated for people to made how it feels to be in their body. The response has been immense. Such diverse visual representations are brought together by similarities. What is striking is how the ‘feel’ element has led to this textural, layered, complex non-representational body of works that is still so evidently human. The visual and textural diversity is almost as if this is what is relatable.

The text that accompanies my piece reads:

***Trigger warning ❗️ eating disorder experience ***

This is my body (and mind) in my hands. Slowly reclaimed but still scarred from over a decade of eating disorders and body image preoccupation that began as a child. It’s insidious in our culture and is enabled by consumerism, fatphobic attitudes, and false assumptions about what someone with an eating disorder looks like.

I flitted between being of a ‘healthy BMI’ to overweight-obese while I was suffering. I was never underweight, yet my everyday was disabled by these illnesses and my obsessive need to tend to them and fix myself. I thought they would help me fit in. Help me to be wanted.

I got tired. Something flipped and I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. This realisation is what helped me more than the very few therapy and dietician sessions I was given. What helped me even more was going to university and finding feminism. Reading books that was asking questions about society and amplifying women’s experiences turned the lens away from myself as the problem to be fixed. It was like I opened my eyes and I’ve not been able to shut them since.

This isn’t to say that all the ingrained beliefs are gone, they’re not, but I now have a critical, protective buffer around myself. One that allows me to reach out for food in an enjoyable and mentally healthy way. My relationship with my body is not ‘fixed’, but it’s closer to neutral and that’s ok. And I bloody love food now, unabashedly - apart from mash potatoes. They’re gross.

Thanks Sam and Nick for putting this collection and exhibition together, it’s been so inspiring to see responses. What a visual conversation!

#mybodyinmyhands

#eatingdisorderrecovery

The curators asked what was the most important part of this process for the people who have submitted their responses, was it the making or the showing. Again, the different responses is what shows how important this work is. Unfortunately, due to how busy I am, I won’t get to see the work in person, but I really hope it travels so I can see it at a later date. Huge thank you to both Sam and Nick for curating this important work.

Read more about the exhibition here: My Body in my Hands

Visit the exhibition:

Friday, May 5, 2023 , 10:00 AM - Saturday, May 13, 2023, 5:00 PM

SVA Stroud Valleys Artspace, Stroud, United Kingdom, GL5 2HA.

Finally have the printed materials sent off to the printers and I’m waiting on the last of the ceramic decals to finish my research participants work. It’s been a long time coming, but the collaborative exhibition of my research will be opening on Monday 22nd May 2023 in the glass cube and foyer of the Birley Building, Ulster University. The participant’s work will be featured in the glass cube, along with some artwork participants have made previously on the topic of body image. The walls of the foyer will be cordoned off to apply trigger warnings so the audience can decide if they are able to engage with the work, rather than being confronted by it. My work that explicitly unpacks my own experience of poor body image and eating disorders will be in the foyer space and the distinction will be made between this practice and the participants’ objects.

I was lucky to receive my first throwing lesson last week and fell in love with the challenge. I have a wheel at home, but have not known how to begin really; I like asking questions and you can’t do that with YouTube! After working intensely on getting printed materials ready for my exhibition next week, the perfect way to switch off from that task was to have a go at home and also try turning. Unfortunately, I turned my second attempt too far, but I’m please with my first little espresso cup.

Shame I have to move on and work on some article amendments, it felt so good getting my hands dirty again!

It’s been such a busy time. When you’re spinning so many plates it can feel impossible to switch off in case you drop one. Easter was a blessing as I had an extended period of working from home - which really helps me with being AuDHD. No matter how I enjoy being around people, there’s no doubt that it drains me and impacts my physical health. Being with my dogs, and the Spring weather allowing me to get out in my garden, this is exactly what was needed. Sheer (quiet) joy.

This is the first time I have worked with first year Art Therapy students to introduce the Conversation Café method and it’s possibilities for their group practicums. It’s so interesting as I am an illustrator and not an art therapist; art therapists are professionally qualified to MSc level and is a protected term. I would never suggest that I work in a therapeutic capacity, but from my experience of holding engagements inspired by the Conversation Café method in both a teaching and research context, I can see how it can be adapted to suit art therapy, socially engaged illustration, arts and health settings, and teaching. I’m looking forward to writing about this in my thesis.

It’s that time of year! The third years are working their socks off as they’re getting ready for their degree show. Exciting, tiring, scary, but full-filling time of year for the group. Can’t wait to see the results!

It’s the final workshop with the Rainbow Project participants and Belfast City Council this week. In this session, I’ll be presenting the finished artwork to the group. I really don’t think they realise how much work they have actually done! Really looking forward to this session.

I tried to write this post when I first found out that I had made the Women Beyond the Box list, but honestly, I could not put the words together. It’s funny how things work out. Sometimes the timing can be the thing that spurs you on when you’ve been questioning why you’re putting yourself through all this when you just need a bloody good sleep and some time alone.

I can’t believe I had the confidence to put my name in the hat for this list. I never really thought I would be selected. The list of women I have the privilege to be selected alongside is awe inspiring. Such a varied collection of life stories weaved together by the common thread of carving a career space that works for, or with, our neurodivergence. Another theme that stands out is how so many of the women are lifting others up; our sensitivity to justice shines through.

“This is the 3rd WBTB list following our launch in 2019. ‘The List’ is a campaign focused on centering the career experiences of Neurodivergent women. With intersectionality at its core, this is a unique careers resource which serves as a roadmap for Neurodivergent women at work. Stories that have not been told and faces that have not yet been seen. Collectively shifting the culture and influencing their work environment.” Emma Case, Founder - Women Beyond The Box.

You can find the list and read more about it here Top 50 Influential Neurodivergent Women 2023

I had the pleasure of working with the third year illustration students at Ulster University this week for the first workshop in a 3-week series on working with clay. I started by giving an introduction to my practice using object illustration, and this helped lead into a making session where the students are to either work with narratives I have suggested, or work with an existing project that clay may lend itself nicely to.

By showing the students two different handbuiling techniques and discussing how the material changes during different stages of the process, the students were able to make a vastly varied body of work. The objects will be fired after the weekend, ready for the second session.

And just like that (*insert wind emoji and ‘poof’ sound), the holidays are over and it’s right back to work. Must admit that I am still absolutely shattered, post flu and post neurodivergent Christmas overstimulation. But the list of things to do goes on, and this week starts with the 2023 International Symposium of Autoethnography and Narrative, followed by finishing the first draft of an article with a looming deadline, and checking submission dates for the International Association of Illustration Academics 2023 exhibition. To be fair, the pressure of deadlines help when you’re ADHD and they’re coming thick and fast!

It has been a slog! Combing the data and considering ethics has led to a change in direction for the object illustrations used in the Craftivist Clay engagement. Also, note the change of name! While the Conversation Café framework is published for people to use and adapt, there are some rules that mean I need to call the engagements something else and not Conversation Cafés; the Conversation Café asks participants to speak from the heart and refer to personal experience which has been deemed too high risk in this context, and the Conversation Café must not have an agenda and I am collecting data for research. So Craftivist Clay seems fitting as this framework can be adapted to suit other personal-political topics.

The work is changing for the next Craftivist Clay session to focus more on culture and less on autoethnographic illustration. There is a tension around my personal experience leading to reflection on the home. I want to continue this work as although it is an uncomfortable narrative, I believe it is important to make art/illustration that challenges. So, I will hold this next session as the last engagement and make the autoethnographic illustrations for an exhibition. This iteration of objects include questions aimed at society and refernces to literature. They are more explicit than the previous iteration that was more poetic and emotive. It will be interesting to hear if there is a difference in the conversation around the table and the reception of the object illustrations.

The objects are currently in the kiln for their glaze firing while I wait for the decals to arrive in the post. Craftivist Clay (2) is scheduled for 14/12/22. A lie down for Christmas is also scheduled.

I really appreciate Julianna sending over some photos from the private view of Reflexo at Echos Studios, São Paulo, Brazil. Very much looking forward to virtually meeting everyone and hearing the feedback on Sunday 6th November.

Reflexo is opening in Echos Studio, São Paulo on Saturday. Thank you to Juliana Lauretta for the huge amount of work she has done to put this together 🙏🏻 and I really appreciate the opportunity to exhibit with such a talented group of artists.

The exhibition statement says “Artists mirror the period of time and culture they live in.

The unique and passionate ways they see and experience the world has the potential to inspire, spark change, break boundaries and reflect back to society.”

the sting [print] (2022) will be available to buy with the money being donated between Endangered Bodies Brazil and First Steps Eating Disorders. Endangered Bodies is a global charitable organisation with different divisions around the world to help work with communities on body image:

“There is a growing movement of women, girls and men who reject the horrors of body uniformity and cherish instead the variety of body shapes, sizes, colours, ages of us all. We are determined to change the visual landscape so it reflects all of us from New York to Nairobi, from Shanghai to Lima, from Delhi to Bangkok, from London to Tehran, from everywhere you are to everywhere we are.”

First Steps to Understanding Eating Disorders are a UK based charity whose “founding principles are based on the experiences of individuals who have had, are still living with, and have recovered from eating disorders and comorbid mental health conditions.” They actively acknowledge how race and culture other people’s bodies:

“Cultural views of bodies can be vastly different all over the world and are impacted by our different histories, including oppression, colonialism and racism.” https://firststepsed.co.uk/race-culture-and-body-image/

Here’s hoping this print of my object illustration sells🤞

Will post pics from the exhibition when it ends next month.

More info on the artists and the exhibition can be found at:

www.artlymix.com/reflexoexhibition/

I’m actually struggling to put the words together here as I am so tired. It’s been a very busy few days over in Belfast getting ready for a collecting my first round of data on the reception of my object illustrations. The hard work paid off as I am sat on the ferry home to Liverpool reading through the feedback forms. Some very interesting data to analyse when I get back, which will in turn influence the next iteration of object illustrations. I was bervous about facilitaing the session with a larger group than expected as there was so much to remeber in regards to safeguarding as well as the research context and craftivist element. I was lucky to work with such a receptive group of women that said they could have spent thei whole day at the sesion rather than the scheduled 3-hours. Even as I left the room after the allocated time to clean the other spaces we used, I returned to find some of the group still working on their work; through their lunchtime. Reading the data and the many thank yous included on the feedback forms is truly humbling. If I wanted anything from the session it was to have the group feel they got something from the session, not just me (data), and that seems to have really come across.

I had booked to attend a half-day symposium called What Is Seen and What Is Not: Expressions on Class, Space and Identity with the artist Osman Yousefzada to hear more about his work exploring displacement, migration and climate change. Unfortunately the talk was cancelled but as I had already arrived in London, ceramic artist Sam Lucas let me jump on her plans for the day. We spent some time at the V&A to see the Illustration awards and the ceramics collection while talking about our research. I also tagged along to the James Freeman gallery to see the Eden exhibition that includes mind-blowing work by Janpeter Muilwijk, Claire Curneen,
Sikelela Owen, Carolein Smit, Olivia Kemp. Dark and beautifully intriguing 👌

Very grateful to Sam and I am fascinated and excited by her PhD research exploring ceramics and ADHD women’s body image.

I’m over the moon to have received an email today informing me that my abstract has been accepted to be a delegate at the International Symposuim on Autoethnography and Narrive 2023.

My presentation now needs to be ready for recording in November. I am still calling this a presentation rather than a paper as I am considering how to privilege the practice through my delivery. I am creating object illustrations to consider the difference between close engagement with an object compared to audiences engaging with an illustration on the page or screen. ‘Presenting’ my work online transfers the 3D to 2D… very interesting problems to work through.

I really appreciate having the opportunity to present illustration practice as autoethnography to those outside of the discipline.

International Symposium on Autoethnography and Narrative '23

I have found it so useful editing my website. It’s funny how so much changes as you’re ploughing through your work. I haven’t had the time to stop and think about how the work has evolved, or even how I have evolved as an illustrator. I mentioned before on a recent Instagram post that I haven’t made as much as I should have, or wanted to. I get so taken with the reading and research that goes on in the background; I hear in my mind the words of Rachel Gannon and Mireille Fauchon “Everything is your practice” (an introduction to the manifesto for illustration pedagogy: a lexicon for contemporary illustration practice, 2018). This is so very true. Despite not creating as much as I would have liked up to this point, I was easily able to chop work from the website knowing that this is not how I practice anymore. Saying that, I think it is important that there is space for WIPs, quick responses, ideation, sketchbooks and material exploration on our websites, it shows how we think and move through our subject matter. I guess it’s a sign of growth and I’m not attached to my old skin. Future illustrator me will be just as brutal to present illustrator me at some point.

What I have enjoyed is stepping back and realising how much I have actually done over the first two years of this research journey. I have heard the second year can feel like trudgin through mud, but as an ADHDer, the lack of structure and slippery timeframe can be difficult. It takes real discipline to keep going towards this this no-end-in-sight goal. For the ‘studio | academia’ section of this website, I started to look up visual evidence of all of the things I had done. Again, as an ADHDer, it’s ingrained in my very being to have to prove myself, prove I can and actually have done something, and it’s the same with forming opinions and knowledge; always looking for the source of what I’m saying. Probably why I get into the reading and researching so much! Finding links to achievements like being awarded the Mary Ann McCracken award gave a real sense of pride. To be the first to be awarded by the foundation, and have my work recognised as aligning with such a revolutionary force for justice and equality is, well, I find it hard to use words that do the feeling justice.

And to have my photo on the same page as Professor David Olusoga OBE… I’m torn between doing a dance and having a lie down. Might do both.

Mary Ann McCracken Foundation